" I will never be your stepping stone;
take it all or leave me alone.
I will never be your stepping stone;
i'm standing upright on my own. "

i got to meet fir justnw early in th morn.i pretended as if nothing actually happened but deep in my heart, it was burning like fire.i faked a smile&laughed at his stupid reactions thoughout but, i knew something wasnt just right.for 9 pathetic days, there isnt any phonecalls or msges.i thought i could treat this as a "silent break" but, he msged me early in th morn wanting to meet.i was getting all ready for school&i thought i could use this opportunity to express hw i feel for th past few days.seeing his smile&his poor condition due to a bike accident a few days' back, i held back my emotions.he was badly hurt with bandages on his arm&legs.i could even see those pink flesh on his right hand, that was disgusting!
after a while, we parted.he went off to work&i went off to school.th maths camp was such a bore, but i did learn something.i nw understand more about geometry&circles, this two topics really confused me.6hrs of doing maths is killing me, i wont be attending tomorrow's camp for sure.

i did went to civic justnw to borrow some art&eng books.it was pouring&i think i'm gonna be sick.i did argue with fir beforehand through msges.indeed, hes th one finding fault.he wana meet me but i already had a plan.it was raining anyway&ofcourse, i dontwana get drenched.he insisted on taking th train, but i decided nt to cancel th previous plan.that was when i expressed all my hidden feelings.frm nt having th time to spend it with me to always kept on disappearing&reappearing, i'm just so tired.
wana know whats th reason?he didnt wana disturb me due to Olevel which is drawing near.thanks for th thought but, i know hw to manage my time.grrrr.i did ask him to make a choice, either he make sacrifices to spend some quality time together like we used to or just let me go&dont ever come back.6hrs had passed, there is still no news frm him.whatever la eh.

my muscles are still aching due to yterday's workouts in th gym.yterday's seminar was quite a bore too&on sat, i was needed to go for a seminar again.this time round, it was an entrepreneurship talk whereas yterday was abt motivation.haiya! i'm sick of hearing th talks laa dey, nothing seems to stay in my mind either.i think i'll end here, get well soon haziq&3more days to th click5!☺

okeyy.th last post was basically written when i was merely breaking dwn.i did get a shocking news regarding fir&ofcourse, i didnt know where to turn to.mainly because it was so major&i dont even know what action to take.only god knows hw i'm feeling at that very moment&i just wish my life would just end.i was so lucky to have friends who gave useful opinions&those comforting really help.
i'm nw waiting for updates.i hope my instincts are wrong&that we cn still go on as strong as ever.whatever happen, i must move on&leave th burden behind.by being positive&always put a smile on my face, that is hw i'm going to live my life nw.
Olevel is coming&i really have a goal to achieve.my midyr result was already such a disappointment, i only pass 3subject.that really is a tragedy.wish me luck for th upcoming MT Olevel on monday&also th upcoming papers, i'm nervous.
i think i'll end here.i wont be updating frequently as my schedule will be tight.revisions, gym, hangouts; my life will be such a drag.
till here;

wkends went fine.sat morning as usual, mendaki.basically, we did nothing.only 3turnup, pathetic.after th afternoon nap, i did went to th gym.i did some abs&legs workouts.i did thought of spying hubby after that but, i visited th saloon instead.i layered my hair back&thinning.th length is pretty much th same so its nt that obvious.

mother's day is in 3days time.we'll be celebrating out for sure, but th venue is still pending.i just want th day to be a memorable one for mother.i just love mother bits&pieces, who doesnt love their mothers right?random.
i was checking my inbox&suddenly, i feel like updating th blog.my day went well, only that hubby hadnt call me up due to his busy working schedule since yterday.i'm trying to be more understanding nw, i cant possibly kept on stocking him at work.trust is the most important thing in a r'ship&i guess, i cant leave th past behind.i'm trying to gain faith in our r'ship&i hope, my effort do pay off.th feelings are growing stronger by day, a few hrs of meeting him isnt enough.i really hope hubby will put aside some time for me after midyr.&talking about midyr, i cant wait till its over.chem paper justnw was a disaster, my carelessness were to blame.i just want to get over paper3&move on to paper1 on monday.wish me luck&oh, math paper2 tomorrow.i'm nervous.gahhhhhh.
after so long, i thought of updating my friendster profile.but, it was scheduled under maintenance.wth?! grrrrrr.but i manage to create a facebook accnt.i'm just eager to expose myself to a new surrounding.its nt that i had enough of those nonsense in my life, i just want to explore new things.i just love new adventures.i hope david archulleta will win th american idol season7, i think hes just th best.he do have th looks&th voice.&so, jason castro will be going hm tonight.up next would be syesha.th two davids will be in th top two for sure.but winner, DAVID ARCHULLETA! i cant wait.And, i'm addicted to an indon show.i'm watching th season1 on sensasi&season2 on sctv.actually, i'm confused.but who cares, th actors are hot! gaga.i want to have a movie marathon one of these days.what happen in vegas&speed racer, anyone?hoho.
till here;

basically nw, i had no mood to revise+theres still no news frm hubby since yterday&yes, i'm worried.its nt as if he dont have th time to go hm etc.whre is he anyway?why he couldnt spare a minute just to call me up&inform me anything?grrrr, i just detest it when he make me wait.i'm tired.hes on standby&ofcourse, no stable schedule.but he could atleast call me up before proceeding to work right, damn.such an arse.